Secret Of The Heart – By Abdulrazaq O Hamzat
The heart is said to be called Qalb in Arabic language because it
changes so quickly and frequently. Qalb (heart) is derived from the
word Taqallub, which means alteration, variation, ups and downs.
By this, it can be understood that heart desires are not always
static. Actually, it can never be static. The heart can love today and
hate tomorrow. It can be happy now and sad the next moment. It may be
optimistic some days and dejected in others. That is the nature of the
heart. It keeps varying.
However, the heart is not foolish; it doesn’t just alternate or go up
and down for no reason. Something has to trigger it to act the way it
does. It could be something seen, heard, felt or thought.
The heart doesn’t just love; something must propel it to love. It also
doesn’t just hate, something has to instigate it to hate. To keep a
lovely relationship lovely, you must keep supplying the heart with the
lovely content that makes it feel lovely.
Anything to the contrary will equally produce a contrary outcome. The
love heart feels today, no matter how strong, will vanish, should it
be starved of those content that keeps it alive.
The heart is like a plant, you must water it. Love is a product from
that plant. The heart is like the stomach. It might have been fed
yesterday, but any attempt to deprive it of food content today will
result into revolt. Yesterday’s food cannot quench today’s hunger and
yesterday’s water cannot satisfy today’s tastiness.
Here is the secret of the heart. Something said or not said could make
the heart love and hate within seconds. Something seen or not seen
could make the heart sad or happy. The heart could love today with so
much passion, it could hate tomorrow with so much determination. When
the heart loves, it could do and undo for the sake of love. When it
hates, it could also go extra miles to injure. That is the ways of the
‘’I will take you as my husband/wife, for richer and for poorer, for
better and for worse’’, that’s a common vow for intending couples at
their wedding ceremonies. However, evidences have shown that, not many
couples, who made such vow, stick to it when it mattered most. The
rate of divorce says a lot in this regard.
Available statistics shows that, about 50 percent of married couples
in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent
marriages is even higher. Equally in the UK, an estimated 42 per cent
of marriages end in divorce.
However, the story is slightly different in Africa. According to data
released by Statistics SA, a South African agency in charge of data
analysis, South Africa’s divorce rate is currently at its highest,
stating that the divorce rate has increased by five percent since
2012, and while the number of marriages have decreased. For Nigeria,
official statistics suggest that divorce is exceedingly uncommon in
Nigeria. According to National Bureau of Statistics, just about 0.2%
of men and 0.3% of women have legally untied the knot. And well under
1% of couples admit to being separated.
However, a civil right advocate Emeka Ngwounye had stated that, 90% of
married women in Nigeria will go for divorce if the laws are right. He
explained that, through his work on family law, he has come to realize
that 90% of married women will divorce their husbands if the
circumstances are right, adding that in 90% of cases, the top reason
why women will divorce is because of domestic violence, economic
oppression and infidelity.
The lawyer explained further that, if divorce will not have economic
hardship on women, if she will keep custody of her children and if she
does not bear significantly worse social stigma than the man for being
divorced, 90% of women will prefer divorce.
Beyond the legally married couples; there are several others who truly
love each other at some point during their relationships, to an extent
that they think they can’t live without each other. Only to realize
few months later, that those two love birds have transformed into
opponents and attempting to injure or murder each other for the most
silly reasons. All the sweet things said to each other are no more.
Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him) said in a hadith that: “The heart
[Qalb] takes its name from its constant changes [Taqallub]. The
likeness of the heart is that of a feather at the root of a tree,
being turned over and over by the wind.”
The prophet went further to say that, “The heart of the son of Adam
changes more quickly than a pan of rapidly boiling water’’, adding
that, “It changes more than a pot of rapidly boiling water.”
It is therefore important for all men and women to invest time to
understand their partner and their relationship. They need to know
what attracted their partner to them in the first instance and what
has kept him or her in the union. Understanding all these would go
along way in helping them maintain those traits that serve as the
foundation of their relationships. It would also help them sustain the
relationship in the loveliest way.
Abdulrazaq O Hamzat is a Human Rights Ambassador and the Executive
Director of Foundation for Peace Professionals. He can be reached at
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