Ikedi Ohakim Is Like Every Bad Mechanic, Toutish – By Onwuasoanya FCC Jones
Bad mechanics do not own workshops, they are mostly on the roadside, looking for one unfortunate car owner whom they will swindle and destroy their cars or some stranded car owners who may not be able to reach their preferred mechanics. They do not specialize in any area of auto-mechanics, but would claim expertise in electrical, mechanics and even body works for the car. They are equally desperate in marketing themselves to you.
Good mechanics stay in their workshops and even reject jobs brought to them because they are mostly too busy attending to jobs brought to them. They do not go about begging for jobs, but stay in their shops and people who had tested them in the past or others working on recommendation, visit them. For instance, Ugwumba Uche Nwosu stays in his house and people beg him to come out and contest for governorship, but Ikedi Ohakim now sleeps on social media, sneaks from one radio station to the other, selling lies. Apart from being a very bad mechanic, Ohakim is also suffering from inferiority complex. He sneaks from one place to the other seeking validation, he even engages in altercations with just about anybody, just because he wants to sell himself as what he isn’t.
If you own a car, you must have had encounters with such bad and toutish mechanics. Some of them are even criminals, who may either vandalize your car or even kill you in order to make away with your car or some other belongings you may have. In 2011, I was driving a Camry Car I helped a friend buy from Lagos to Owerri. Unfortunately, the car developed some faults and started overheating. I managed the car till I got to Benin and pulled over somewhere along the road. Along came a man dressed in full overall of a mechanic, with a tool box in his rickety 504 Salon Car. He said he had been following me from some kilometers away, and noticed that my car was overheating. He offered to help me fix it, there and then. Confused, I asked him how he knew what exactly was wrong with the car. His response was that he has been a mechanic for long enough to diagnose a car even by just hearing its sound. Before I could say; ‘Don’t touch’, the obviously desperate criminal had opened my bonnet, but the engine was too hot for him to proceed with anything. After a while, he told me that I would have to drive the car or get it towed to his workshop off town. He told me that if I should drive the car further without fixing the problem, I was definitely going to get the engine knocked. That was when my hunch told me I was in for something risky. It is either he was right and I was going to knock the engine of that car or he was a criminal looking for a way to lure me into his den and take the car away from me and even possibly murder me. It was about 4pm already and I knew I had to take a very quick decision. I locked the car, crossed over to the other side of the road to get some refreshments and also make inquiries.
I took a bottle of beer in a bar across the road. I weighed the people sitting there and picked about two guys that looked more decent than the rest and shared their table with them. I didn’t need to waste time before knocking up a chat with them. I told them what was happening to me and how someone has offered to help by taking me to his workshop. They didn’t let me finish the story before they told me to run for my dear life. They told me such men are mostly kidnappers, armed robbers or even ritualists. They didn’t have any doubt that the man is either of them and was planning to lure me into their den. They advised that I manage the car however I could and run as fast as I could out of the guy’s sight. I thanked them, gulped my beer, got a bag of ‘pure’ water, refilled my radiator and drove off without even talking to the guy who has been waiting for me there, all the while. Some five minutes drive later and I had to pull over again. Guess what! This man actually followed me. He pulled over, too. He told me how I was about destroying this new car, that I shouldn’t drive further. He showed me his tools, and it was filled with the right tools. He told me he was just trying to help, that he liked it that a young boy like me already owned a car and he wouldn’t want me to lose the car. He went on about how he is equally a father, about how he also made money early, about he admired young men work hard enough. I listened, with my mind already made up. I made him think I was going to follow him, so he didn’t need to call for reenforcement. I bought time, so that the engine could get a little more cold, because I knew how fast I wanted to drive till I got out of Benin.
Well, I got to Owerri safely and that car still serves my friend till date. I was just lucky to have escaped that fake, toutish and criminal mechanic and his gang. Many people couldn’t have.
Yesterday, Ikedi Ohakim continued in his new experiment of wanting to transmute to a comedian and the stage was Kanu Nwankwo Indoor Sports stadium. To be fair to him, he knew that Imolites can never take him seriously, hence, his choice of a less than 2000 capacity event center. For over one month, he sponsored radio, television and social media advertisements, inviting people to that comedy show, yet, he could only get less than 1000 people to attend, and I am hearing that he paid each of those that attended, 10,000 Naira each.
Dancing ‘huga-mugally’, the obviously disappointed Okohia Chief and political gambler tried to sell himself as a mechanic who was coming to repair a car that its engine is knocked. However, like every impersonator, Chief Ohakim couldn’t even get his dressing right and a number who came there, saw through the badly packaged comedy, like one of those who attended said; “a fraudster is always a fraudster, but he will always leave a hole open”. People found it difficult to determine if his dressing was that of an auto-mechanic or a retired soldier. Even one of his frontline social media aides mistook his dressing to be that of a legionnaire and addressed him as such. Like most people who see every situation as an opportunity to defraud, Ohakim couldn’t even bring himself to study the basic dress code of mechanical engineers.
A bad mechanic will pick up a car that is in good condition and ground it, due to inexperience, insincerity and desperation. A bad mechanic would tell you that your car has knocked engine, when your plug is disconnected, because he doesn’t know the job and he wants to rip you off. That is exactly the kind of person Ohakim has recently projected himself as. For instance, no good mechanic would advise you to keep wasting money on a car whose engine is knocked, the most professional advice would be for you to change the engine completely. Even by his own illustration, Ohakim has failed woefully in convincing any logical mind that he knows what he wants and how to go about it.
If Ohakim had done any little thing well from 2007 to 2011, Imolites would not have thrown him out of Government House, the way they did in 2011. If Imolites have forgiven him, he wouldn’t have been going from Enugu to Agulu up to Abuja, seeking to hijack a Party ticket. My earnest prayer however is for him to succeed in buying off the APGA ticket as that would mean that APGA has no governorship candidate.
49 total views, 3 views today