Dikko and Dyzani? Something holds these two personalities in common.  {1}Both have held juicy public offices in two revenue generating agencies of the Federal Government of Nigeria – Nigeria Customs Service and Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation {NNPC}.  {2}Both called the shots in the offices they held.  {3}Both have been accused of gross official misconducts bordering on impunity and corruption and lastly, both despite huge allegation of corruption on them, none has actually been brought to book or charged for corruption.  Their allegations, prosecutions and possible executions have only happened on pages of Nigeria newspapers or on the trending social media.

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Today, we will look at these two personalities from regional perspectives.  This becomes necessary because, to an average Northerner, Mrs Diezani Alison Madueke invented corruption while to an average Southerner from South East and South South Nigeria, Dikko is an embodiment of corruption. Unlike Diezani’s allegations that were hyped on pages of Nigeria and foreign newspapers including social media, Dikko’s allegations seem to have been strategically ‘managed’ such that no one is so much pointed to his alleged atrocities while in office.  Dikko’s critics accuse him of strategically scheming out other Regions from a government own agency and if the current positions in Customs and the age of retirement of the serving top officers are anything to go about, by 2020, the Northern Region may have succeeded in retaining over 75% within the Customs echelons. Aside this, he was alleged to have massively enriched himself, his cronies, his associates and his ‘boys’ so much that it is believed that no prosecution against him may see the light of the day.  He still calls the shot from his hiding palace, many believe.

To address the one-sided nature of Nigerians in casting blames on public office holders, we would strive to see if we can solve Nigeria corruption problems beyond sentiments of region and religious affiliations by putting 2 Nigerians in a comedy-like Confab where they will discuss corruption. The number one person will be called AHMED.  Ahmed will represent the North-East/North Central political axis.  The other would be called EMEKA.  Emeka will represent the South-East/South South axis.  The anchor-man and moderator will be addressed as IMPERTIAL JUDGE who won’t be seen to be taking sides with any region, tribe or religion.

IMPERTIAL JUDGE:   We will begin with the question, If President Buhari were to recover all the looted funds from all the past public office holders and decides to return same to the states where the looters came from, which state do you think will get the largest recovered loot?

AHMED:             Wallahi, ebribodi knows it is Bayelsa State.  Diezani and Jonathan are birds of the same feather and ebri Nigerian knows that.  Diezani stole the money and kept it por one private account por CBN without knowing that the eyes of Mallam see beyond the physical.  Because the money too plenty, they packed it kwuma to Diezani house.  Kia kia, mallam eye see it there.  Because Mallam is a good Nigeria, mallam is incorruptible.  There has not been any allegation against him except that concocted by those who hate him for saying the truth.  Everything he did was perfect without any mistakes.  Kagani?  He raised alarm and before mallam went back to where the money was earlier kept, it has been removed prom where they hid it in Diezani’s parlour to her bedroom.  At least, ebri Nigerian heard it that kwuma Diezani maid and cook collected several billions of dollars prom the house as their own national cake.   That was the reason why Mallam could not tell specifically how much that was stolen from CBN porin account.  Kai, Wallahi, Mallam supposed to win international award for his eagle eye even though he could not quote the amount stolen with precision. They stole all the Nigeria money and lept an empty treasury por the current president. Today, the same Inyamiri is accusing the president to be spending Nigeria money in poreign trips.  Why won’t he spend it?  He met an empty treasury and the money he spends is the one he generated.  More or less, it is his money and he can decide to give Nigerians some from it. What about Jonathan that generated and spent all with his sister called Diezani?  Did he leave even a penny in the treasury for the current president? Wallahi, nobody should blame the president for spending on foreign trips.  Kwuma the prodigal in Ekiti should shut up.  If I were the president, I will withdraw allocation to that state for challenging my authority.  Mallam compirmed it and they sacked him, now kwuma our president has compirmed that he met an empty treasury.  So, to me it is the Inyamiri Bayelsa that will get the largest loot returned. Again, how will you accuse Dikko to have stolen?  Did he steal more than the Inyamiri and his sister?  By the way, I can authoritatively reveal that Dikko has returned billions to Nigeria coffers.  So to this extend, Dikko is a perfect man.  Which one has Diezani returned?

EMEKA:             Lekwanu Onya o.  This Ahmed, tribaliziim dey worry you, no be small.  You mean you havu not known datu the most corrupt Nigerian is from Katsina.  You wan know hisu name?  It isu no other person than Abdullahi Dikko, the man that seized my goods from the wharf and sold to his men in the name offu actioneering, sori auctioneering.  It isu the same man that filled every spacee for Custom with his brothers.  Every border, whether Seme, mobukwanu Lagos sea port or airport. Even the Apia Way in Ogun State, all his brothers and boys are presenti, collecting money and seizing goods they end up selling for their pockets. It isu possible the new man, wetin be his name self – Hamid don’t even know that Dikko boys are in controlu.  Today, the same man has run to Saudi, run to Dubai. If he likes, let him run to Awkuzu Shrine, we go catch him.  Unless the president did not mean it when he declared him wanted. In factu, soon they can tell us that the man has relocated to a new country without a name.  The question nowu is why will they always run.  Maina, the man that stole pension cashi  run, followed by Larmode that recovered and chop and now is Dikko.  It is quit suspicious o.  It seemus that someone is telling them to run before they are caught.  We are not mumu o.  Me Emeka, I can know everything I want to know just like your Mallam.  Ahmed Ikotago? The problem is thatu people think because I have shops for Onitsha Main Market and Ariaria, that I don’t know when somebody wantu chop me mugu. Ok, to know who steal pass, letu EFCC mobukwanu President Buhari publish names of all the looters and let us see how many Igbo names that are there.  Ahmed is just hiding the truth.  Even the other day for our usual Nkwobi joint in Festac, I told Femi my friend that Jagaban egbuola their state.  Look at what one man used his people to acquire.  That’s pure mugu.  In Igboland, you can’t chop your fellow Igboman that level of mugu, otherwise, Obodo go fall.  Nwanne, Isi gada and Arusi Okija will be visited.

IMPERTIAL JUDGE:   Well, Mr Ahmed and Mr Emeka, it is obvious that both of you are not yet ready to discuss Nigeria and the challenges confronting her.  Everyone seems to be taking sides with his brother or sister.  No one wants to discuss Nigeria beyond tribal affiliations and sentiments.  On this note, I am calling off the confab with the verdict ‘LIKE DIKKO, LIKE DYZIANI’.  Next confirm will host men of impeccable characters who are ready to call a spade by its name.